carly

It all began on Halloween, after the birth of her second child. The onset of the darker days of the season began to mirror Carly’s internal struggles. The shadows of sadness became unbearable, marking the beginning of her mental health issues. She started taking antidepressants, grappling with her condition for the next four years.

During this time, Carly worked at a children’s charity—a job she loved—but her mental health continued to deteriorate. She found it increasingly difficult to concentrate, enveloped by a persistent sadness. Within a few months, she suffered a public breakdown right at her workplace, sobbing uncontrollably. Unable to regain control, she attempted to drive home but was picked up by a friend who had to take the wheel, as she was unable to drive herself home. 

After her breakdown, Carly faced suicidal thoughts, often imagining driving off the road or into incoming traffic. Thankfully, the presence of supportive friends and family pulled her back from taking any such action. Her young children, though unaware of the depths of her struggle, became vital anchors in her life. Yet, guilt overwhelmed her—she felt like a burden, unworthy of love and care.

Those moments marked some of the darkest in Carly’s life; even simple tasks like showering or caring for her children felt insurmountable. She recalls sitting on the couch, tears streaming down her face, while her family ate dinner nearby—bemoaning the mother and partner she longed to be.

Carly soon connected with a social worker, and within weeks she saw her family doctor. Recognizing that her treatment needs exceeded his expertise, the doctor referred her to Ontario Shores’ Prompt Clinic. This was a turning point for Carly, as she began seeing a psychiatrist at Ontario Shores. Initially misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, it became clear that Carly was battling severe depression and anxiety.

Over the next year, Carly tried various medications. Each new prescription taking about six weeks to take effect, during which time she would navigate a minefield of side effects – one of the worst being the feeling that ants were crawling beneath her skin. Discovering the right combination of antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications was a grueling process.

Unable to maintain a job, Carly realized that work triggered her mental health issues and was no longer able to work. After a year of therapy, she joined a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy outpatient program, which proved transformative. Writing about her feelings illuminated how depression coloured her perceptions and daily life.

Despite her progress, anxiety lingered. She learned to manage it with coping strategies and medication. Leaving the program was daunting; she felt a mix of gratitude and fear about returning to reality. After cycling through several medications, she finally found one that alleviated her depression, allowing her to envision a future for the first time in over eight years.

Gardening had always been important to Carly. And she channeled her passion into starting a sustainable lifestyle and homesteading, bringing together elements of botany, food preservation, and education through workshops. Growing seedlings and food became not just therapeutic but empowering. She also connected with the Mood Disorder Society of Canada, organizing community walks in Uxbridge. Over three years, her efforts raised over $100,000 that she directed towards the Prompt Clinic at Ontario Shores, shining a light on the importance of mental health care.

The support she received at Ontario Shores was life-saving. Even in her darkest moments, she knew asking for help was crucial. Mental health crises often feel isolating, making it easy to feel like a burden. Carly recognized that not everyone has the privilege of a supportive partner or stable home.

By sharing her story, Carly aims to raise awareness for those who suffer in silence. She stresses the importance of reaching out for help, especially when every fibre of one’s being urges them to give up. Life may be a struggle, but Carly’s journey proves that hope and resilience can lead to brighter days.